Two Year Olds

"Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for."

- Jerry Seinfeld

Kids

"Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex."

- Bill Maher

The Name Rings a Bell

A safe in a Wendy's Restaurant in Manchester, NH was picked and all the money stolen. The Union Leader said that the perpetrator was an employee with a longstanding beef with the company -- Ronald McDonald.

- Submitted by Andrea Marden, Reader's Digest

Crime Fighting for Beginners

You know a fashion trend is over when your grandmother starts getting into it. At least that's the thinking in England, where a bunch of grannies are donning hooded sweatshirts and baseball caps -- the favorite uniform of gang members -- in an effort to discourage crime. Said one senior to The Daily Telegraph, once old people start wearing these clothes, "they lose all their street cred."

- Submitted by Michael Allen, Reader's Digest